Me. At least after what I've been through.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
