that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
