I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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