Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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