The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
