i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
