careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
