oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
