U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
