I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
