Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
