By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
