Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
