My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
