And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
