She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
