how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
