I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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