New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
