went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
