I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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