Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
