is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
