I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
