There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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