just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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