It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
