he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
