She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
