Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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