I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
