You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
