I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
