I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
