That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
