Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
