At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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