not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So many bounce houses so little time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
