it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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