I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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