I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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