I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
