do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
