I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
