its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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