I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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