Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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