i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
