O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
