Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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