Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
