Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
