So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
