...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
